In New York City, there's a fine line between law and chaos.
On that line lived Danson and Highsmith.
Tell me again why I decided to get on this roof?
Chalk that up to bad life choices.
Get rid of that ass.
-Ut oh. -Hey what you saying, ut oh?
Shit you put a ding in my hood.
Come on with it, dick!
Oh boy, hey!
That sucks.
Did uh, someone call 91-holy shit?
That's it, I'm sick of all this running.
Suck this, bitches!
Hang on!
You have the right to remain, silent.
Saddle up, 'cause I want to hear you scream!
On the ground!
One at a time all right.
Yeah, detectives, Rick Brayson, New York observer...online
These suspects were caught with only a quarter pound of marijuana.
A misdemeanor in some states. Do you think this arrest was worth twelve million in property damages?
Why don't we let New York city answer that question.
The greatest city on earth, yeah!
Hi, uh Sarah Capone from TMZ, the print edition.
Uh, Danson are the rumors about you and Kim Kardashian true?
No comment.
But, yes.
Danson and Highsmith, free hot dogs, for life!
No drinks, no drinks...
I can't do it, can't do it.
Danson and Highsmith shoot, drive and sex with style.
They're rock stars. Then you got your jokers your ball busters, your vets...
And the other guys.
We know, we know, we know...
All right, all right. Listen up, listen up.
We're having a celebration tonight at Butta. Brother Jenna's going to be there, Bai Ling, and Dallas short visit from Jersey shore...and
Most of you are on the list.
You're the best.
(Mouths what?) Danson: I want to say something right now, it's
...about a man that came from Austria with a dream.
Arnold Swartzenegger.
Let me finish. He became a champion.
And then a movie star.
-Arnold Swartzenegger. - God damn it, let me finish, they ruined the story, they ruined the story.
-All right, -Wa..wait, the point is
We couldn't do our jobs if it weren't for you guys doing all paper work answering the phones..
and all that stupid shit that we don't like to do.
All the gunfights, all the car chases all the sex we don't want to have with women, but we have to..
All due, to what you guys do, thank you.
And we'd do it again, and again.
Ah, hey, hey you shut your face!
If we want to hear you talk. I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.
You hear me, you hear me?
Cash bar...
Peace out, bitches.
Hey, fellows.
All right, bring it here. Come on, bring it here.
All right, stay, right here.
Uh, go back a little, there you go, right there, right there.
This is their paper work, you know they're not going to do it, that's right.
This paper work is like Bob's wife there. It's thick ugly and got Danson's fingerprints all over it.
-No offense Bob. -That's all right.
Anyway, now who wants it?
-I do. -All right, paper bitch and Yankee clipper on the case.
Nice work, thanks Allen.
Thank you, Captain.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
(Humming theme to SWAT.)
Stop humming that song!
I can hum if I want to.
I know you can, I'm asking you to stop.
Well if you're asking, then I'll stop.
Thank you
Could you not smile like that?
Now you're asking me to mask my emotions because of how it makes you feel. I don't want to.
(Humming theme to I dream of Genie)
Seriously, stop humming!
Okay, this isn't accounting. Or wherever the hell you
and your little pocket calculator was transferred from.
Forensic accounting.
-Okay, it's an important part of the job. -Yeah, whatever.
Stop being so overtly happy about doing shit work, you moron!
Hey guys, reminder, the police union picnic is coming up this weekend.
Uh, my wife is making her famous deviled eggs...again.
My waistlands furious.
It's a bad time, Bob.
All right.
I'm going to need a slice.
You know what I just did?
I just walked out that door. And saw a couple of detectives that was about to start bad mouthing you,
behind your back, but I stopped myself because my pops taught me...
that a man who talks behind somebody's back is a coward.
-Wow, I actually appreciate that. - Good.
-'Cause I want to tell you, directly to your face. -You don't have to.
No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop.
The sound of your piss hitting the urinal it sounds feminine.
You know why?
I will tell you.
Even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you.
If I were a lion and you were a tuna I would swim out in the middle of the ocean...
And frickin' EAT YOU!
And then I'd find your tuna girlfriend.
Okay.
First off, a lion?
Swimming in the ocean? Lion's don't like water.
If you placed it near a river, or some sort of fresh water source.
That makes sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves, I'm assuming it's off the coast of south Africa.
Coming up against a full grown, 800 pound tuna.
With his twenty or thirty friends. You loose that battle.
You loose that battle nine times out of ten.
And guess what, you've wandered into a school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion.
We've talked to ourselves we've communicated, and said, you know what?
Lion tastes good. Lets go get some more Lion.
We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family.
And we will corner your, your pride, your children your offspring...
How are you going to do that?
We will construct a series of breathing apparatus.
With Kelp, we'll be able to trap...
certain amounts of oxygen it's not going to be days at a time..
But hour, hour forty five. No problem.
That will give us enough time to figure out where you live.
Go back to the sea get more oxygen and then stalk you.
You just lost to your own game. Your out gunned and out manned.
That go the way you thought it was going to go?
Nope.
(Cries out in pain)
Two minutes before the markets opens and Pamela Borden, the CEO of Lendell Global will ring the opening bell.
With Boardman is investment banker, David Ershon who manages 40% of Lendell's 70 billion dollar equity boom
How much, did we lose?
You may ring the bell now Ms. Gordon.
Thirty two...
-Million? -No, billion.
AHHHHHHH!!!
Chinatown, we tried the gang Lu's,
I popped two of them off the draw...bang...bang!
-Then I raise up to take a new direction. -Shit I feel like I'm there now.
Then you listen, my partners on the roof! He says, lets even the odds!
He tosses me down a marsberg pump, I send one through his chest.
Game over, bitches
Chewey, lets talk about how that story, made you feel.
Like a Viagra pill, with a face.
I know it's very tempting.
You want to impress your friends, but this is serious stuff gentlemen, okay.
This is firing your weapon, in the line of duty.
Officer Hoitz.
Would you like to share?
I'd rather not.
Officer Hoitz, you've been coming here for six months now.
And you haven't said a word.
Safe environment, no judgment here.
Duche bag.
That’s judgment, Chewey. Come on.
I've been living every night...
Bronx, October
Game seven of the world series. Pull me out, high pressure to move the crowd
and I pulled tunnel. Then I saw a shadowy figure in the tunnel.
I told him to stop
Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a restricted area.
If I didn't pull my gun, then I'd be weaponless.
Don't make me shoot, I'll do it.
Are you deaf?
You hear me yell freeze!
You dick I'm Dereck Jetter, you shot me.
-You cost me twenty grand on that game. -Douche bag
Cost the city the championship.
I was being groomed for a top position on homicide,
then I'm stuck with a desk jockey partner and everybody calls me the Yankee Clipper.
Because you shot Derek Jetter.
-He's a bi-racial angel.. - You should have shot Abrahms.
-Hey, paper bitch. -What's up man?
Hey, hey guys.
-Paper Biiitch -Paper Bitch.
I don't like that, actually. I know you guys think it's funny bit I don't like that stuff.
So you working on, Danson, Highsmith paper work?
Uh, no actually
-What is this? -Illegal permitting for construction.
Specifically scaffolding.
Some of the guys were talking we're like, how come you never fired your weapon in the office.
Good point.
I'm sorry, I..I don't follow you.
You've never fired your weapon, in the office. We all have you know, it's called a desk pop.
Fellows look, I know you don't respect me, as a police officer.
Not true.
I'm not stupid, I'm not going to discharge my firearm in the office.
Listen to me I'll try to make it real clear, we honor the flag.
And you crap on it when you don't shoot your arm in the office.
Jimmy, when's the last time you had desk pop?
September 08
-Hey man, do it -Yeah!
Please, please don't.
-Go on, hey! - Pop it off!
Don't think, just go.
-Here we go. -Yes.
Shots fired!
Hey Terry, I did, I did my first desk pop.
It's a real thing, right?
A desk pop!
Yeah.
No, it's not real.
They were so convincing in their argument.
They swamped me.
All right, Allan, you're gonna have to hand over your gun.
Yes, sir.
Captain, you really want to disarm this guy take out the batteries in the calculator.
All right, let me give you this.
This is Dunningham, I use it for ceremony. Here.
You get this back, when I feel you know how to handle it.
Listen guys, I'm working two jobs I got one here and another job at bed bath and beyond.
Okay, I'm doing that just for the kid.
So nyu's so he can explore his Bi-sexuality.
And become a DJ, the last thing I want is a ballistic's report in the unit.
I'm just going to ask you guys, please come on, really. Just think about it, just be smart.
211 in progress, they used a wrecking ball to clean out Castien jewelers...
We got it.
Good luck guys, have a good one.
-Alan, let's go. - Naw, I got a lot of work to do .
But this is work.
Hey you, Danson and Highsmith rolling heavy
-cream puffs hang tight. -You gotta be shitting me.
How can, you can't keep me cooped up in here, okay.
I am a peacock, you gotta let me fly!
Did he just, did he just call himself a peacock?
Go, go!
Come on fellows, Wednesday night is taco night, at Rogers’s island.
Awww, sixth one this week.
Hey, you monkeys! Stop!
Look out.
Yeah!
Heads up!
Oh, shit!
Special forces zip lock.
These guys are pros.
You thinking what I'm thinking, partner?
Aim for the bushes.
Cops still argue to this day why Danson and Highsmith jumped.
Maybe it was just pride having survived so many brushes with death.
Maybe their Ego's pushed them off.
I don't know, that shit was crazy. Either way...
There was a hole in New York city, and it needed to be filled.
Two days ago, this city wept we lost two heroes who gave everything for us.
Who paid that ultimate sacrifice so that we may walk these streets safely.
Wasn't even an awning in their direction,
-I know -Jumped twenty stories.
Doesn't make sense, does it?
I only hope god lets them take their 357's with them to heaven.
Define moment, Alan. How long a step to be a cop.
-We're at a funeral, show some respect. - What?
You don't think that every other detective here isn't thinking the same thing?
Al listen to me, Danson and Highsmith, dump them. Their desks are empty.
Someone has to fill those seats.
Someone is us, okay!
The city is dying for a hero.
Is it?
Yeah!
How about nine million socially conscious unified citizens all just stepping up and doing their part.
As a little kid, did you dress up and play cops and robbers?
I'll tell you what I did as a little kid.
I went to school, and made my bed. And at age eleven I audited my parents.
And believe me there were some discrepancies and I was grounded.
What the hell are you?
Well, well, well. Look what we got here.
Look at these two jew mokes would you.
One shot Jeter the other shot an office.
Have some decorum, we're at a funeral.
-Shhh. -You dares boo ya.
Huh! I'll rock your body with big nasty hooks.
I'm going to get some blood out of your ass.
That's horrible.
Why don't you step back, dude.
You touch him, I swear to god I'm going to beat the shit out of you, with Allen's head.
That's not do that, that's not proper that’s' not a very good example.
Want to go?
I want to go!
Kick his ass.
Yeah like that.
-Don't let go. -I love it!
- Hey Sandra, you look perfect. -Lovely hat.
I love your shoes.
- It's fine, it's fine. - Go!
Go ahead and do it, I'd do it in the hole.
What the hell is going on here?
Two good men are dead.
And you guys are fighting over who's going to be the next hot shot, huh?
Is that what's happening?
Yes, that's exactly what's happening.
Let me tell you something about those guys. They knew to become good cops you had to solve cases.
Okay? Okay, maybe you start with the Castien robbery...Okay?
Next time, me you rock.
-I didn't need you to stick up for me, Okay. -Okay.
I can handle myself.
Don't flatter yourself, partners code. I had no choice.
9:15, lets have a great day everybody. - Cut the shit
Good morning.
We've got shots fired, 509 east tenth street.
There are large amounts of cocaine on the scene. Try to stay out of trouble.
There's no chance we're going to go out to that call, right?
No Chance. to busy.
All right, ladies. Starting to get the picture?
We got to lock shit down.
You girls stay here and get your fife on.
Go get them guys, lotta energy, lot of focus.
Shut up!
Allen, can I see you in the hall for a second?
I'm super busy right now, Terry.
No, no, no. I know this will be real quick.
It's about the construction permits you've were talking about.
-The scaffolding violation? -That thing, yeah.
So, what do you got?
I got this. I'll put one right in your neck.
What are you doing?
Let's go.
We're going on that call.
What is this?
Shut up, we're going to the car, and we're going after this case.
You're not going to shoot me.
-I won't? -No.
I shot Jetter.
That was an accident.
Was it? Move.
Hey, does anybody see this?
He's got a gun on me.
I'm being kidnapped.
Really, we're in a police station, and no one is interested in this.
So then what happened?
What do think happened. I woke up, I took the belt off my neck, and I got in my car and I got out of there.
Talk about a wild weekend, right?
I thought I was going to have to shoot my way out.
What are you going to do though, you know, Bar Mitzvah's.
What the hell is this?
It's my car. It's a Prius.
I feel like we're literally driving around in a vagina?
Detective Hoitz and Gamble on a five eighteen on east tenth.
Negatory, Martin and Fosse, two minutes out.
We'll just see who's there first.
You stay out of our crime scene!
You hear me!
Go, Go!
Feel that Alan? Huh, that tingling in your balls. Big metal butterfly fluttering around in your stomach.
Are you sure you don't testicular cancer?
I got something to get it going.
This what you used to dance.
Nope.
What the hell is that?
LRB, Little River Band.
This music makes me feel like I'll go shopping for a training bra.
You know what?
The go with no music, okay? Say bye.
You just signed your own death warrant Hoitz.
Alan, punch that accelerator or I will shoot you in the foot.
America!
Alan! The brake!
Just slow the car down.
We're approaching to the crime scene.
That's a lot of Cocaine.
Did you yell America?
-When you hit the accelerator? -Nope, no, no.
I think I actually put my foot, all the way down.
to the ground with the accelerator that I connect.
That got me suddenly aroused.
Here we go.
Way to put your stamp on the crime scene, guys.
Prius, huh?
Yep, yep.
-Good mileage? -Oh, outstanding.
Yeah, does this come with a dental damn.
Get it?
My Suburban shit one of these last night.
I didn't know they put tadpoles on wheels.
They're always fun, huh?
Looks like Scarface sneezed on your car.
All right everybody, we need you all to back-up now.
We're taking over.
At the crime scene, LOL. Good tweet, good tweet.
America has always been defined, by it's excess.
The Grand Canyon, professional sports contracts.
Wendy's bacon eggs, extra bacon.
I myself, have eighteen Lamborghinis.
And a Subaru station wagon.
And it's because of this, excess, that I have flourished.
I implore you, please do not stop profiting.
Live for excess..
It's the American way.
Mr. Ershon.
I believe this call is for you.
So David.
David, you're not returning my calls. So I'd like you to meet Roger Westly.
Good day, mate?
Roger you see is going to baby sit you because I don't trust you, because I think you're going to take off.
Pamela this is ridiculous, I'm not going anywhere.
David, listen. The Lendell quarterlies come out on the twenty sixth.
You have until then to give me my money. I'm not reporting any loses, David.
I have zeroed in on a new investor.
Well then you get their money, you can disappear and be a has-been.
Yes, yes I'll tell him he doesn't need to keep watching me.
-David -Okay, sweetheart, bye.
Yeah, she over reacted, uh, she's a woman.
Ah, so you're good to go.
Heard it out of my mike.
Ladies and gentlemen, guess who gave me secrets to making my first, billion dollars?
That man there.
Go...go!
Step aside please.
You don't think I'm a real cop, do you?
No I don't, I said that directly to your face numerous times.
I was telling, you, I was really honest about that.
We got a huge case.
All right, property owner.
The seven buildings under construction, he hasn't applied for a single scaffolding permit.
Now according S.Jeves this perp is at the Plaza hotel speaking right now.
That's your big case?
Scaffolding permits?
Yeah.
Guess what, you're coming with me.
That's a wooden gun.
That hurts, man.
I've always got Little River Band loaded up here. I've got six discs in here.
Claude, meet me outside, at the back of the service entrance.
I'm flying air Singapore... hey Douglas, how's the wife.
-She died. -Atta boy!
I'll be there in two minutes, exactly.
Another thing that I can't take, you always pay in exact change.
You're just mad because I have a nice change purse?
-Why do you even care? -How can I help it, you know what? You know what's worse?
The way you fart, you know your fart, they're not manly.
-You're being ridiculous. -They sound like a baby blowing out the candles of a birthday cake.
That and a little zzzz.
You know what bugs me about you?
-What? -I'm pretty sure you never voted.
No I voted. Sports radio AMA.
You're like a child in a leather jacket. That's what you're like.
Get out of the way, man.
Hey, are you David Ershon?
Well, sort of there, why bother with a yes, a little bit of a rush.
Gentlemen, if you don't mind, thank you.
Excuse me, you're under arrest, okay.
-What? -You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you do or say can be used, um what's the next part?
-As a floatation device. -As a floatation device.
Um, you know what? That's very funny.
-I've never Mirandaed anyone before. -Really?
Are you guys for real? Am I being punk't?
Detective Alan Gamble. We are in a cocaine covered car and we are bringing in a perp.
One David Ershon.
-175 pounds -175 thank you.
Shut up, man. Shut up!
Martin and Fosse are probably at Studio B taking to Chef Smith right now.
We arrest this jerkoff for a permit!
W..wait, wait, what am I being arrested for?
permit violation.
I got my insurance card.
Easy mate.
Wow, you ran right into us.
Stand over there...wood.
What the?
-Couldn't see the car, wasn't big enough mate. -What?
Do not let these men take me.
Hi.
Why was she looking at you like that?
Hey, hey, hey we didn't exchange...
insurance information.
Hey, excuse me.
Why did they take our shoes?
What the hell just happened?
Where's my I-phone?
I think we walked thirty blocks, man.
I..I don't get why we can't just call the office and have a squad car come pick us up.
Well, they took our shoes our guns and our car.
There is no way that's going on the radio.
If we're going to do this together, there's some issues we need to settle, okay.
I mean you said I had a weak chin, You said the way I pee is feminine.
How do you think that makes me feel? I mean that list you have,
you put a lot of thought in. Its weird.
I hear you.
Let's clean the slate right now.
Fresh start.
All right. Fresh start.
Maybe we should, uh call ourselves the febreeze brothers
'Cause it's feeling so fresh right now.
Right?
Do another fresh start, I just want to punch you in the face.
-Fresh start. -That's the last one.
I have to be able to express myself and say things.
Hey folks, everybody listen up.
Got a high profile kidnapping.
David Ershon, wealthy banker. Multi national team, maybe a sleeper cell. But it's to early to tell.
Hey, uh Bilbo Baggins where are your shoes?
-Your feet are black. -Who cares!
It's not important, okay.
Hoitz, Gamble, Captain, not good.
-Bye guys! -Bye, bye.
Come on. Guys this is Don Beaman, attorney for Mr. Ershon, Roger Wesley.
Head of his private security.
-There you are you SON OF A BITCH! -Hey, hey!
Take it easy.
That's the guy that took our guns, Captain.
-And my shoes. -Wait a minute, wait a minute.
-Did you identify yourselves as police men? -What is this?
Alan tell me, did you?
No, we did not.
So, gentlemen we thought you were abducting Mr. Ershon.
It's only protocol.
Mr. Ershon has agreed to correct this uh, Scaffolding situation. Case is closed.
I've taken care of all necessary paperwork.
And you fellows, this point you just be glad that Mr. Ershon is not pressing charges for excessive use of force.
Thank you, Captain.
Special forces, right?
Just watch your step, detective.
There are three things I love in this world
Small dimples just above a woman’s buttocks.
Beautiful features.
And the feel in a man's eye who knows I'm about to hurt him.
Hey, shake your dicks. This pissing contest is over.
Here, they returned your shoes.
And, they returned your weapons. Here you go, Terry.
Alan, someone was nice enough to put linseed oil on this, look at that.
Stain on that, dark walnut or something, look at that.
Better thought of dropping a thank you tweet.
-Okay -You're mad at us, huh Gene.
First off, don't call me Gene. I'm your Captain.
-Guys, do you remember the be smart speech? -Sure.
All right, what did you do? What did you do, about it?
The opposite, we were not smart... Captain Gene.
Its just Captain. Just Captain, It's not Captain Gene, I'm not a kiddie show.
It sounds creepy, Captain Gene.
Police mistakenly arrested investment banker David Ershon.
Was he the victim of financial profiling?
Financial profiling?
That's crazy. He broke the law, we arrested him.
That wasn't his security team. He said don't let these people take me.
I mean when you hear hooves, you think horses not zebras.
What about donkeys? Or deer, they have hoofs, what about bovine creatures?
Were you just thinking to yourself fresh start?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
I could see it.
Listen, why don't we just go to my place. Talk the case down, we can have a little dinner.
You can meet Sheila.
Two cops talking down a case while eating food. All right, it's not dinner.
Fine, and let me apologize in advance, okay.
In case my wife acts like a world class bitch.
She's a big old broad, and she, she likes to wield them.
Okay, so I put together a little bio. Complete with pictures of Mr. David Ershon.
I used uh, Adobe Premier. Gonna have to do a little weekend editing.
Wish I could just cut three minutes, out of it, now listen.
David Ershon is currently the CEO of Ershon consortium.
Who's that talking?
It's the front line narration app. It's one I've added since.
Ershon Consortium current financial investments exceed seventy billion.
His largest clients include a Sharing plow and Lendell global.
Lendell Global, its those TV adds we can't figured out what they do.
Yeah, well media health care, you probably heard their jam.
David Ershon is often found in the company of Judge Escaleo
The lead singer of Maroon 5.
Man this guy could be connected to drug cartels.
Black market global seals.
Human trafficking, all of it.
How did you get that from anything you've just seen?
-Hey guys, soups on. -What do you mean?
Hi.
-Hi -You must be Terry.
I'm sorry I've been hiding honey, but this dinner was tricky.
Who are you?
I'm Doctor Sheila Gamble, his wife.
Come on, seriously, who is that?
His old lady.
Sweaty, it's a work station.
You come in here, dressed like a hobo.
-It's distracting. -I know, you're working.
-I'm so sorry. -Come on, seriously.
-Come on, what? -Who is that?
It's the old lady. The old ball and chain.
-Get over here...okay - No, not right now.
Look, they're not all first round picks, okay.
Come on, are you going to tell me who that is.
Are you really Alan's wife?
Hmm, I know people are shocked because he's Episcopalian and I'm Catholic.
But, somehow it works.
Are you going to change?
I already did.
It's lucky you do you really, really nice.
Terry, you don't have to be polite, okay.
She looks kinda shitty.
Don't speak to her like that, Allen.
Look, if I put that in my Cosmo fashion app, you'd probably get a D minus.
Alan and his apps, he loves them. You know he's designed three of his own.
-One of them, dear, can I tell him? -Mmm, hmm
One of them. You can take a picture of anybody's face.
and it'll tell what the back of his head looks like.
-Face back -Face back
Got some horrible reviews, kinda out of the gate.
-It's gonna hit. -It's going to catch.
Why are you with, Alan?
I mean, that's not what I meant. Um, how did you guys meet?
It's a really typical how we met story, Terry.
You're going to be bored by it.
I was a dancer for the Knicks, while finishing my residency at Columbia Hospital.
Alan came into the ER with poison ivy on his rectum.
Needless to say, I fell for him Immediately.
It's funny, it's like a scene from that one movie, always forget the name of it.
-Uh..with Meg Ryan -YES!
I don't remember a movie where Meg Ryan got poison ivy disease.
-I'll think of it, -I'll think of it.
So what about you Terry? Do you have a girl?
I did, yeah. We're suppose to get married but she backed out, it's complicated.
-Terry shot Derek Jeter. -Shut up, Allen, this was before.
That's okay.
-Ah, she's got mail, that's the name of it. -That's it...Honey.
-With Tom Hanks? -(Together) Right with Meg Ryan.
He didn't have poison ivy up his ass.
(Together) Yes he did. Yeah, yeah.
Way up there.
Well Terry I can't thank you enough for coming by.
What a...wonderful lovely evening, thank you.
So, so nice meeting you, Terry.
It was my pleasure, thank you.
Remember, all I ask of you is, you don't let him get hurt, Terry.
-She tells me that every day before I leave. -Yep.
I do, I come down stairs. I make him his fresh cut strawberries.
And I say, listen my little sugar balls, whatever you do today, you just don't get hurt.
Yeah, every morning.
And then I show him my breasts and I say these are waiting for you when you get back home.
You know Terry, they're not the biggest breast's he's ever seen.
-But, man are they perky. -Not by a long shot.
They are firm, and they are yours.
You're a nice lady.
Oh, thank you for coming.
Detectives Hoitz and Gamble. Detective's Hoitz and Gamble, over.
Go for it.
-We found your red Prius. -Great.
It was trying to vote for Ralph Nader
-Come on. -Okay sugar balls, listen up.
There's going to be fingerprints on that car.
Tomorrow, I'm going to run those fingerprints through the system.
If we get a hit. This case is going to heat up faster than a junkie's spoon.
You do one thing when you wake up tomorrow, bring it.
Thank you Sheila, Bo coup bring it.
-Good night. -Good night.
-Thank you Sheila. -Bye Terry.
Bye Sheila.
-I'll never forget tonight. -Bye Terry.
All right Alan, whatever, go inside. Bye Sheila.
-Goodnight. -See ya, see ya Terry.
Bye, Sheila.
I don't know if he heard me, BYE Terry!
Bye Sheila.
Well here she is, left her under an over pass, for the night.
Find anything?
Yeah, we found a lot of stuff.
Bodily fluid and hair samples would determine that a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in the car.
-Oh god. -Yeah,
You know what it's called when they do that in there?
It's called a soup kitchen.
It's pretty rough stuff.
Not long after that a mama raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor.
What about fingerprints, did you find any fingerprints?
-Nope, couldn't get a one. -Found a cell phone.
Yeah, that's mine.
Any signs of a struggle or spent shells?
Naw, believe me, everybody who was in on this orgy was more than willing.
In fact they even left you a note here.
Thanks for the 'F' shack. Love Dirty Mike and the boys.
Here's something we found, we found about a dozen unscratched lottery tickets.
No fingerprints or nothing. You can check that out.
Yeah its a real shame, you know I got myself a Prius, it's a helluva machine.
It's my first brand new car. Never owned a new car.
Watch out, in the back there's a baby mouse and a used condom. Really gross.
Not even a free ticket.
What are we going to do? We got no fingerprints.
Bunch of losing lottery tickets.
Look at this, there's a two minute phone call made after we were jumped.
They used your phone?
It ghost dialed, someone probably sat on it.
It could have recorded some our conversation or shook our graph.
We gotta hear the other side of that call.
Nope, no it's nothing.
-Nothing? -It's nothing!
It's only thing we have. Why did you just get super jumpy?
What?
It's an ex-girlfriend, okay.
What's the matter? What happened with you guys?
She's a bit of a handful, that's all.
(Speaks Chinese)
Al, it's the only lead we have, we can go with this, or we walk away from this case right now.
Fine, lets go see her.
Hello, Christinith.
Hello, Allen.
This is my partner, Terry.
Hi, Terry.
-Is she hot. -Just relax.
I waited for you in Tower Records for FOUR hours.
That was thirteen years ago.
(Making alarm sounds)
Arnold Palmer alert, Arnold Palmer alert.
Who want's some Arnie Palmey's
Sweetie, this one has the Bacchie right here.
Howard, just place it down please.
All right, here.
I did things in bed with you that I haven't done with anyone since.
No.
I presume that's your husband.
Oh no, he knows.
You're a lucky dog.
Um, Christina this is a lovely house.
It's Christinith are you stupid or are you deaf?
Christinith you idiot.
You come to our house, you got my wife’s name right.
-What? -Christinith!
Look, we really appreciate the hospitality and uh...
would just love to get the information off your cell phone.
We believe it might give us information regarding a kidnapping.
Okay, um why don't you come to the kitchen and will let you listen to it,
and everyone else...stay here.
Okay, sweetie.
Oh, there's my phone.
Oh, thank you.
I HATE YOU!
You son of a bitch!
Sliced strawberries
I HATE YOU!
I hate you, you're so adorable.
Look at your face.
Look at your face, You go "I wuv you", say I wuv you Christinith.
I kinda look gimpy because of the beard, that.
I'm a little hairy.
But I, I'm not.
Shaved.
Alan!
Alan, Alan!!
This is police evidence, Terry!
-Let's go! -HEY!
You get back here, and you make love to my wife.
ALAN...Alan!
Don't get it.
I..I just do not get it.
I mean that girl Christinith was seriously hot.
Your wife is crazy hot.
I mean even that presumed security chick, she threw you a do me vibe.
What is it with you and hot ladies?
First off, my wife is cute, but she is not hot.
Dude you're insane, you wife is scalding hot.
Do you want to listen to this message or not?
Okay, whatever.
You had one job, mate.
Find a sucker, invest the money
So you can pay my boss back the money you lost, and I don't care who.
Right, I actually think I found a sucker.
-That’s Ershon -He's willing to invest 32 billion
Who’s' got 32 billion dollars to rob?
Um, once I get the money I'll falsify records to show their massive losses.
Then meet with your employer.
Now, since you're following me, I need to go to 2300 Park Avenue. After that we can...
I told you it wasn't a security team.
He was being abducted.
Obviously, but what kind of... Holy Shit!
Nobody leaves our house!
-Go, yeah! -God, out of no where.
-They must have run for miles, -GO, GO!
You get back here, you get back here.
2300 Park Avenue its the offices of the lottery.
Holy shit, the lottery tickets we found.
Ershon is using the lottery money to cover his losses.
30 billion dollars that's the states money.
Well, what to we tell Mauch.
The guy lost money and we have a scratchy cell phone message and an address.
It's still half a case.
There's got to be some sort of paper trail, if we can find that.
If we can track it, then we can go to Mauch.
So, I did some more research on Ershon's accounting firm,
..and I found some pretty interesting stuff.
It turns out that Gretchel and Dawson has
Hold on, I'm up.
I gave my love to Erin. She promised to be true.
I went to war, to come back and find five British soldiers...
Had their way with her, it was consensual.
Gretchel and Dawson accounting firm.
Fairlawn New Jersey has only one client. David Ershon.
Pretty rinky-dink operation for a guy like that.
Looks like we're going to Jersey to visit an accounting firm.
That's a shitty day.
And though their fathers were hanged.
And the children all got pink eye.
While their many offered books were banned.
Do you have fun singing those songs? They're really depressing.
I do, they're full of rich history.
Damn it, I'm late I'm suppose to go meet my lady.
I thought you said you guys split up?
Let's just keep on thinking about work, okay?
All right, bye, bye.
Hey, get of me, man!
What the hell are you doing?
I'm dancing Terry, what the hell are you doing here?
I love you, Francine.
If you were with me, you wouldn't be in this strip club shaking it for dollar bills.
This is a ballet studio. Terry, okay.
These poles are horizontal.
He loves you very much, Francine.
Who is this guy?
What are you doing here, Alan?
It's the code, I'm your partner.
I'm here to support a friend, and a work colleague.
Francine, is this guy bothering you?
Who's this, your new boyfriend?
-Great you got a new boyfriend. -He's my dance partner, Terry.
Okay, I know that this is a big surprise,
but there are other things in the world besides being a cop.
Okay, and if you will excuse me, I'm gonna dance.
You think I can't do this shit? Huh?
That was surprisingly good, Terry.
I love you, Francine.
You don't know what love is.
He loves you very much, Francine.
I heard him when he said it, thank you.
You know what you're doing to me? You're killing me inside.
And don't eyeball me, man.
-You run around with these crack dealing Drug addicts. - Terry!
He does not approve of your behavior.
Can you please go.
And you too, creepy guy, standing in the door.
Let's go.
I think we all experienced our own ballet today.
Ballet of emotions, feelings.
You're kinda making things worse.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, I didn’t know you could dance.
We use to do those dance moves to make fun of guys when we were kids.
To show them how queer they were, okay?
-You learned to dance like that, sarcastically?- -Yeah, I guess...
Stay out of my personal life, okay.
A kids life is private.
Stay, focused on the case, man. I'll see you in Jersey tomorrow.
All right, Terry.
Hey, that was liberating for me, I don't know how it felt for you.
Here, check this out. Article from six months ago.
Talking about how the lottery is looking to invest a 32 billion fund more aggressively.
So he's dealing drugs.
No, it's not drugs, this isn't Miami Vice.
Hey, I got you a gift.
I just saw something, and I thought of you so,
I, I don't want it to be weird. I just want it to be nice.
Well of course it's weird.
It's a grown man giving another man a present.
There you go.
It's okay, you're welcome.
I like to do things like that.
Take a look at what it says.
FBl
Female Body Inspector.
You know, because we're both in law enforcement, uh, we both like women.
But hey, I got a weird sense of humor. I'm a sick puppy.
I can't look at it. Makes me laugh so...
Me too.
Real nice, you know, it's all class.
-Okay -Don't do that shit anymore.
Yeah, believe me I won't.
Do you understand what's so funny about it though?
'Cause it's the FBI, right. It has the same logo, the same shield.
And at first glance you like, oh it's just a mug, that says FBI.
But then, then at second glance.
You're like, Female Body Inspector? Get out of town.
-This is outrageous. -SHUT UP!
(Little River Band playing on radio)
I'm going to climb over that anchor wall of yours one of these days,
and it's going to be glorious.
Shouldn’t we tell Mauch that we were going to, uh, check this place out?
I was, we're just going to check it out.
I know, but it's procedure.
Terry answers to no one, I do what I do.
-What accounting firm is closed at 11a.m. on a Tuesday? -Always a shit hole.
I love bombs.
I can't hear!
There's blood blisters on my hand.
Aw my god, how do they walk away in movies,
without flinching when it explodes behind them?
There's no way.
I call bullshit on that.
When they flew the millennium falcon, outside of the death star,
And it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit.
Don't you dare badmouth Star Wars, that was all accurate.
I need an MRI. I need an MRI!
I've got soft tissue damage.
There's no way I don't have soft tissue damage.
I just want to go somewhere and breast feed right now.
Fire department said it was a gas leak, but no way. It was timed.
They didn't want to kill us, 'cause they wanted to scare us.
Yeah, well they succeeded, okay.
I'm tired of this.
Right, Tired of explosions, and people pointing guns at me.
I want to go back to my desk.
Guess what? Life gets loud sometimes, and messes with your ears.
You can't escape it by hiding behind your desk for your whole life.
You know what, yes you can.
I've done it for years, okay. There's no explosions at my desk.
There's no explosions at my home with my plain wife, and my plain house.
What are you afraid of, man?
I'm your partner, you can tell me. What the hell are you hiding from?
I was a soft more in college.
University I went to decided they needed to raise tuition.
Classmate of mine, Brenda.
In an effort to raise money, and stay in school came up with a nifty plan,
where she thought she'd date guys and charge them money.
I go on dates all the time with a whole bunch of, you know boys and stuff.
And, I kinda need somebody to help me out. Like you know my partner in crime.
Yeah I can make, uh, make a schedule.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Provide transportation services.
Yeah, yeah, it's going to be fine. -Thanks so much for asking.
She said she needed my help to make sure the dates went okay.
And the guys paid her.
She said she'd give me a percentage.
-Oh my god, you were a pimp. -What? God, no.
No, I was just trying to help a friend.
We started making a lot of money.
And wouldn't you know it, some of Brenda's girlfriends...
decided they wanted to be a part of it.
Pretty soon there were about fourteen ladies that I was protecting while they gave me money.
That's called the stabled horse.
Decided I shouldn't use my real name. So I came up with the name, Gator.
I'm telling you, you were a pimp.
No, are you even listening to the story?
Anyway one day I wake up, and I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.
I mean, I had gotten out of control, and I didn't even realize it.
You can't have a conscious in the pimp game.
One night two of my favorite girls, Candy and Jolene...
...said we got to take you in, and dropped me off at the emergency room.
That's where I met Sheila, I was a mess.
I made a promise to myself and to her, that I would never get out of control again.
So as soon as I graduated from college, I became an account for the police department.
The most stable job I could think of.
An accountant for law and order.
I just don't want to ever fell out of control like that ever again.
Don't worry, I got your back.
Now I say we go get in Ershon's wall and see if he cracks.
Tie up all this tippy toeing around.
Okay.
You could either walk the plank, or take your panties off. The choice is yours.
-You made a wise choice.- -Mr. Ershon,
Detective Gamble and the officer who shot Dereck Jeter are here.
-Gentlemen please, -No rest, hotshot.
Course I do, please sit.
Arrh, there she blows...
Two of those Russian waters please.
no lime wedges, just cucumber.
Guess where we just came from?
An explosion at your accounting office.
Oh yes, it was an awful gas leak.
Gas leak? The only gas leak is the one coming out of your mouth right now.
I just thank god no one was hurt. Or injured in a bad way.
I absolutely abhor death.
Hey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, the jig is up, okay.
We know that wasn't your security team that grabbed you.
And we know you're targeting a big fish to cover losses.
You talk or I beat you so it don't show any bruises.
God this water is good. Terry, have you tried the water?
Shut up, Al.
I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about. I...I understand...
There was a bit of a mix-up with the whole scaffolding business.
The cucumber accents the water in such a way that...
Perhaps by way of apology I can offer you my personal court side seats.
For the knicks game with access to the ambassador club.
Come on Knicks, come on!
I got knicks fever! Catch it.
Hey, it feels weird sitting here. It feels like it's bribe.
It is a bribe.
Son of a bitch, I saw courtside, I went blind.
Come on.
Call me!
-That was a trick. -No more.
Gentlemen, you have a choice.
Mamma Mia, or Jersey Boy's.
(Singing Big Girls Don't Cry) -You're so believable.
Damn it, he did it again.
-No more tickets. -Mr. Ershon I tried to keep them in the waiting room
That's okay Susan, Uh, two glacier's waters. With Mediterranean olives.
No, no, no. No more water. We're not here for that.
I was very much looking forward to having water.
-How great was Jersey Boy's -It's not great.
It's fantastic!
You totally undersold it. The pageantry, the costumes.
Wow, what a musical.
Hey, get over here, huh.
-What's wrong with you? -What.
It's not what we're here for.
We're going to do good cop, bad cop.
I come strong and you come in.
-All right? -Yeah.
-I come strong, and you come in. -Yeah.
-I got it. -Now you listen to me you piece of shit.
It's just you and me, and I'm going to rip you apart.
How did you cover your losses up, huh?
What drug cartel are you working for now?
Okay, no more. I'll talk to you, you're reasonable.
No, no look at me.
Yep, yep you want to talk to me!
-(Screaming incoherently) -What are you doing?
(Screaming madly)
I'm going to make you into a plate of human shit.
Get away from me.
Look I'm really sorry about that, I just uh...
I saw how aggressive you were being, I thought...
WOW, I gotta go even bigger than that, since we're doing bad cop, bad cop.
What? No, I said good cop, bad cop.
I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.
Okay, then there it is that’s it. I thought you said bad cop, bad cop.
While you were going crazy, look what I snagged from his desk.
-I think it's his phone sheet. -Oh, nice.
Seven calls to the lottery office.
That could be the evidence we need for Mauch.
Get back.
-Columbia drug lords. -Where are you getting that from?
Can you imagine where you'd be in your career if you hadn't shot, Jeter?
We call this in, right.
Looks like we got all the evidence we need.
I'm sorry, my butterfly.
Load them up. Send them back to go.
Shit.
What?
What do you mean, what?
Whoa, we're, we're in the Mojave desert.
They took my shoes again, man. What the hell is the deal with taking shoes?
-They took your wooden gun? -Yeah.
-Hello. -Hello Gene? Uh, Captain, captain.
-Captain this is Allen Gamble -Yeah, yeah. Where are you, what's going on?
Captain, it's a long story, so I'm just going to cut to the chase.
We are in Las Vegas. All right, we were kidnapped.
Put on a freight train and shipped out here.
Let me just stop you right there. Don't bull shit me.
Captain, I am being straight with you, look...
We think something is going on, okay.
We think Ershon is targeting the lottery to cover his losses.
How many times times did I explicitly say to you lay off Ershon?
Terry, Captain want's to know how many times he's asked us to lay off Ershon.
-Twice. -Twice, Terry says twice, I agree.
Hang it up, I'm done.
I gotta tell ya, I start getting a hang, a taste for that pygon.
Martin and Fosse, supercops.
In three, two....
So we busted that junkie, got back more than 74 thou. in diamonds.
Seventy four thou.
-Boooom -Solved the Castien case.
74 thousand, dollars? Is that, that's all they took?
There's millions of dollars in diamonds in there.
How about this, Gamble. How about you shut your face.
All right, just shut it.
Hoitz, Gamble, Captain is looking for you.
-Captain? Is a bad time? -Yeah.
No, come on.
-Not me, right? -Yeah, and you.
Fellows I'm sure your uh, familiar with the honorable DA Radford. Who is now paying us a visit.
-Hello, Gentlemen. -Hello, sir.
-You know I was talking to Gene here. -He prefers Captain.
Yes, I was talking to Gene here, and you know what's funny...
I don't know what you two have been up to,
but I've been getting calls from people I don't ever get calls from.
In forty years of enforcing the law, I've learned one thing.
When that happens, stop.
-Gene, how's the family? -Good, good Lewis. Thanks for asking.
-My son's bi-sexual. -Tremendous.
Gentlemen, do we understand each other?
-Cut the crap. -Will do.
The guy never comes down here...20 years
I think I've seen that guys ball one time.
He's a heavy weight Captain, that guy.
-He was sitting right here. -Yeah, I think you missed the point.
Anyway, look.
Blue and white found your firearms down by the Hudson river, here you go, Terry.
You know what?
-I'm going to hang on to the wooden gun. -So give me back my real gun.
No, I'm going to give you this.
It's a rape whistle. You blow that if you run into any trouble.
Someone with an actual gun will come and help you out.
We were abducted, Captain.
This shit is real. Ershon's dirty, he's targeting the lottery.
Next...
I want you guys to hand in all the evidence you think you have, to the FCC.
-It's national district , its under their jurisdiction -Don't you get it?
This case is talking to us.
I'm a peacock, Captain. You gotta let me fly on this one.
You know Terry, let's just settle this.
Peacocks don't fly.
They fly, they fly a little bit.
-They get a running start. -About as much as a Penguin.
One more thing, do me a favor. Don't go chasing waterfalls..
Is that accidental or are you trying to quote TLC on purpose?
I don't understand the reference.
You don't understand what you said?
I don't know what that is, get out.
How'd they get that story?
I'm tired of being treated like a jerk, for trying to do the right thing all the time.
Hey guys, Uh there's a proxy vote, for a big reinvestment for the pension coming up.
-So if you just want to come by the old... -Damn it, Bob!
Let me ask you something, what do you even do around here,
besides interrupt people?
Well I, I serve as treasurer to the Union.
I, uh. I make a wicked pot of decaf.
Exactly, you're a worthless piece of shit!
Probably right, Terry
It's why I feel so sad all the time.
I'm going to go for a while.
-Bob...come on. -Say something.
I didn't mean it, all right.
I'm upset.
These braised short ribs taste like a dogs asshole.
-Sweetie... -No I'm sitting here thinking,
Who in the world would slow roast, a dogs asshole?
and serve it to their husband, you would.
You are being awful. What's wrong?
The Captain took us off the case.
I'm sorry.
I told Terry about my dark days in college and..
..brought up some feelings.
Well honey, that was a long time ago.
You're not that same person anymore.
You get it, there is a darkness inside of me.
It wants to get out, it want's to walk around.
I want's some walking around money. And it want's to buy some shoes.
and it wants to, it wants to walk up to the people and say, hey...
Gator don't play no shit!
You hear, you feel me?
Gator never been about that. Never been about playing no shit.
-Honey, I'm sorry. -That's okay.
I just uh...
Remember that night, when I?
The attending physician told me we got a drugged out pimp on the back.
I went back there, and I pulled open that curtain.
And I saw you. You were weak, scared, ass up, enflamed...crying.
At that moment I knew, hey he's no pimp.
Pimps don't cry.
Pimps don't cry. Pimps don't cry.
No they don't. They don't shed a tear.
Pimps don't cry, they never shed a tear.
Come lay with me, be safe. And lets make love, come on.
Every time you say be safe, it tears me apart. You gotta let me be.
...who I'm going to be.
-Yeah honey, I'm pregnant. -Who's baby is that?
Who's the man that did that to you?
Daddy's bitches better be using, Jimmies.
I'm sorry, that's what I'm talking about.
Oh my god.
You need to leave.
GET OUT! Get out Alan!
Get out!
Hey,
Hey.
What are you doing here?
When I got lady troubles.
I come here every night.
What are you doing here?
Sheila and I got into it tonight.
She threw me out.
Being a cop too, throws you out of the house, brother.
Why do you think the Castian robbers only took 74 grand?
They're junkies, okay? Who cares.
So a junkie can go down a twenty story zip-line.
How you fellows doing?
We're about to have a screw party in this red Prius over here, if you want to join us.
-Hey, are you Dirty Mike and the boys? -How do you know who we are?
-You left a note in the car. -Police, shit head.
He's a cop, we gotta go. Come on!
All right, fish it boys!
You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare.
We are going to have sex in you car, It will happen again.
I don't know where I'll sleep tonight.
Fortunately I know what you'll be drinking. Jack of all trades.
Drinks on me, come on.
I already have a beer.
No, no, no, I'm talking about doing some serious drinking.
Drinking with Terry Hoitz
(Black Eyed Peas, I'm a be)
This sucks, man. We work out ass off for this case and gonna hand over all our evidence?
Yeah, that's not right.
Oh my god, I'm hung over.
So you guys law enforcement?
Yeah, we're an independent agency, who along with the FBI
and the federal reserve regulate the stock market and corporate throb.
And the federal reserve is a prison.
No, basically it's a health and profit bank, that sets interest rate and loans money to other banks.
-Is that a waste basket? -Yeah, right there.
Thank you.
You all right?
HOLY HELL!
Sorry, I got so drunk last night.
I think I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.
Come on in, fellows
You've got to be kidding me.
You're Ershon's lawyer. We're turning over our investigation to you?
Let me assure you, there will be no conflict of interest between me and David Ershon.
And if this were an actual investigation, I would immediately excuse myself.
This, is all the evidence we have. I truly hope you take this seriously.
Yes, very much so.
From everything I've heard, that you guys are the best at these types of investigations.
Outside of Enron, NAIG, and Bernie Madoff. ...Worldcom, Bearstroms.
-...and Brothers. -Okay, okay, thank you, thank you.
Thank you detective, would you like a seat?
-No I'm good. -Fine, okay.
Let me just assure you guys, David Ershon, is a upstanding citizen.
I am playing squash with him tonight, at the club.
And we're having dinner.
You listen to me you winds and not winds monkey. You play squash with Ershon, Right?
You're kids go to school with his?
How would you know if he's clean or not?
I will take a look at your evidence. And I will take a second look at the financials.
And when I come back, and bust your ass, we're locking David Ershon in the federal reserve.
He still doesn't understand the concept.
What are you doing?
We just handed all our evidence to the bad guy's lawyer.
Are you a big man, huh?
-I'm talking to you. -What?
You wake up in the morning you say, I'm putting on my big boy pants.
Look at more the belt. I got big boy pants on.
-Stop. -We don't, we don't do that.
You're scaring the shit out of me, man, stop it.
Is this how you conduct yourself?
In a democracy?
What the hell are you doing, man?
I'm so tired of you getting angry, and yelling all the time.
It's exhausting.
I feel like I'm partners with the, Hulk.
You wanna know why I'm so angry all the time?
'Cause the more I try to do right, the more I screw things up.
We got a possible jumper at three world financial center.
Twenty third floor.
All units, fire department enroute.
-SEC -Beaman's office.
-We have to go...we have to go. -But the Captain.
All units I need a respondent possible jumper. Three world financial center.
Oh, shit!
Beaman!
Oh he's got a osha.
Detectives Hoitz and Gamble we got this.
I took an online class at the university of Phoenix on negotiating,
I need a priest and a bullhorn.
-We got no bullhorn. -Anyone got a bullhorn?
Bullhorn anyone?
Hey, police business, I need to use your PA system.
Okay, let me turn it on.
Mr. Beaman
Mr. Don Beaman.
Wesley, Idle Ershon, Wesley.
There is a lot to live for in this life.
Lot of great things like, uh, Soda pop.
Big fresh can of soda pop.
We do not care.
Screw this, give me this. I know how to talk to him.
Listen, we all know you're a scum bag. And no body cares about you.
-No, that's worse, that's worse. -Piece of shit..
That's worse than what I was saying.
I'm not going to lie to you, Don. People down here are starting to murmur.
That you don't have the balls to do it.
I DON'T CARE!
I say, you can do it.
I mean, I mean I don't want you to jump. I say you have the capability.
Oh, look he's flying.
Stop that.
-Half a bottle of gin knocked over. -Look at this, clear sign of trouble.
Make sure you get this, all right.
Detectives, all your works done here, you go.
What about Ershon targeting the lottery?
You know why Ershon was calling down to the Lottery offices all this time?
Because he was hooking up with a power broker.
It was on TV with all the numbered balls.
And she filed a restraining order on him last week.
It was right there in front of you the whole time.
-It can't be. -You guys are getting transferred.
-What? -Traffic.
Yeah, that's right. You're going to walk a beat, downtown.
You're going to walk a beat downtown.
-It's done, no, no, it's done. -(Both arguing)
Save yourself some gas.
-Captain. -Is there an appeal process, we could...?
Gotta do what you gotta do, Captain.
-Ouch! -WOW!
That hurt.
Excuse me, where's my car?
Oh, they towed it. Couple of homeless people were messing around in it.
-That's an official police car. -Could have fooled me.
-Wow, Mauch was upset, huh? -Really?
The only thing I had to be proud of my life was to being a Detective.
That was all I had, now it's gone.
-I know, you still got me. -Don't you get it?
I don't want you Alan, Okay.
I never did, told you that scaffolding violation was dog shit.
I can't believe you still doubt me, after everything we've seen.
It's a real case.
And I'm a real cop, we just got the wrong target for Ershon.
-You carry a rape whistle. -This is real cop work.
There is nothing about you that makes a man a man.
Okay, you got no gun, no wife, and now you got no partner.
Leave me alone.
(Narrator) A mutt case.
Terry, I am a cop, for your information, okay.
(Narrator) Broken heart.
I'm a cop!
(Narrator) And getting busted down to a shitty assignment.
Alan and Terry hit the dry felt.
Sometimes you can get your ass kicked.
That's when you find out what's real.
What needs ...
Whether its directing traffic...
Come, on.
Or cracking a multi-billion dollar fraud.
-Uh, do you work here? -Uh, yeah I do.
The wrecking ball, that crashed into Castien down there.
Did it also do damage to your office?
Some police officers came by and sealed it off.
Do you know what they looked like?
Uh, one of them had an Australian accent.
You don't happen to do business for the state lottery, do you?
No, uh, our main client is Lendell Global.
Can I ask you what this is about?
Gator needs his Gat, you punk ass bitch.
'Cause that's what a real cop is.
No I never said it like that, I never said lock her up.
A guy who does what needs to be done.
A guy who knows how to use his dark side for good.
And then you move to Florida.
-1 , 2, 3...Attack! -What?
-Hey it's me. -Tempo, tempo
You attack me now, you're hitting me in the face.
-Are you crazy? What are you doing, man?
-I almost killed you. -Shhh, turn off the lights.
-What...Who? -They could be watching us.
I found something
-Some big information, okay. -About what?
Some scary shit, Terry. This is big.
How'd you get in here?
-We can't be to careful. - What are you talking about?
This place might be bugged.
There's no bugs in here.
First off, I missed you.
-What's going on? -Did you hear what I said?
-Fine, I kinda missed you too. -Thank you.
I found out who's losses Ershon has to cover.
-It's Lindell Global -What?
Lendell staged the Castian robberies as a distraction so they could break into the
loan accounting firm next door.
They then altered all the records to cover the losses
that Ershon had cost them through all of his bad investments.
You're not supposed to be doing this. You're suppose to be walking the beat.
-I know, pretty tricky though, huh? -This is bad, Alan.
-This is bad, no wonder the Captain warned us to stay out of this.
Yeah, I bet Beaman started asking questions. That's why they killed him.
Here's the other thing. Tomorrow there's a massive business deal going down.
Ershon's leading it. I still can't figure out who the poor sucker is they're making the deal with.
But we got to stop it.
It's time to let the peacock fly.
I'm not going, Allan. I like what I do.
So do I, we're cops.
No, I like what I do now.
I like working traffic, it's a great gig.
-What? -I like working traffic.
I'm not going...with you.
Mr. Traffic.
-What are you talking about? -I'm talking about may life.
The corner on 54th and 3rd avenue. It hums, it's Terry's intersection.
And the traffic guys? They're good guys.
There's one guy Phillip. He can pee in the urinal from twenty feet.
-You gotta see it, Alan. You got to. -What happened to you?
Have you,..what...what happened to this being our time?
No way, Alan. I'm out.
-I'm done. -Get in the car.
Come on Alan, we both know it's wood.
Apartment pop. Now get in the car.
You're not going to shoot me.
Okay, I'll be honest this is only the second time I've fired this.
Then stop pointing it at me.
Look, tomorrow morning all I know is I'm going to Mauch, alright.
What, he doesn't care.
He's been dodging this case for to long, and I want answers.
I want him to look me in the eye, and tell me why.
Turn on the news, man. Nobody cares.
I hope I'm not alone.
We got a big day out there.
Big one, got a full moon and people are going to be amped.
All right, let's see what we got. On hot tips, all right?
Whoa, the new bath mats are here.
One more thing, we got a serial rapist in Crown Heights.
I...Oh Jez, I'm sorry. That's from my other job.
Ignore that, forget it.
Well don't ignore it, if you live in Crown Heights.
Uh, walk in pairs.
Gene Mauch to the kitchen accessories, Gene Mauch to the kitchen accessories.
I gotta go, go get them. Lets be careful out there.
I like to keep the oak, together, and the maple separately, okay.
-And these chopping boards.. -Hey, Captain.
Hey, Allen. Hey, how you doing?
What are you doing here? Are you here for the bath mats?
-I need you to be straight with me. -Uh, straight with us.
Hey, Terry look at this.
-I thought you were working traffic today. -I blocked the box.
-Besides, partners code, right? -Thanks.
Hey, why have you worked your ass off, trying to kill this case?
All right, fine. I'm gonna tell you guys something.
You've driven into deep water on this one.
You've driven in deep.
Ershon's connected to all higher ups,
and I've got to save what little ass I have left...okay?
You, you know if you keep hiding from shit from the world, and eventually the world comes to your front door.
-Nice -That's very nice.
I heard it in an episode of Touched by an Angel.
You keep this thing real quiet. And you make sure you have real evidence.
And maybe, I'll see what I can do.
But if you make a lot of noise, and you attack the media attention,
And you bring the DEA on this,
I am out, okay?
Yeah, we're going in like church mice. But there's one case
One case in a career where you go all in, this is it.
All Right, well you do us proud.
-'Cause I don't want no scrubs. -Really?
No
You're not aware that's a TLC sign?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
You said chasing waterfalls, now you don't want no scrubs.
-First impressions. -It's like a tick.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Remember, this thing gets messy, we never talked.
You can trust us.
Real quiet, you gotta creep.
-Creep -Come on.
You don't say, creep, creep unless you're quoting TLC.
Hey guys, you know Danson and Highsmith were not good cops, right.
Yeah, I guess we kinda knew that,
Was a drag, I mean at a certain point whose left to be a hero?
Not to be corny, maybe it's you guys.
-You got it? -Yeah.
Well the highlights are great.
-Thank you. -Sexy but serious.
-Thank you. -Excuse me.
Who the hell are all these people? I was only expecting one man.
Just uh, some people I owe money to.
Wanted to be here.
Who are they?
Um, uh they are some judging patriots. Entrepreneurs.
And uh, the black chaps, are some business men from Nigeria.
-You owe money to the Nigerian interests? -Yes, yes I do.
-You're a piece of work. -Well, thank you.
I'll just, get started.
We're in the game, we know the score.
The only thing that bugs me is we still don't know who Ershon's target is.
-Is it the Lotto, who is it? -Who cares.
Some rich prick.
I have to say I'm tremendously excited, by this deal.
And I can assure you that every dime of your money will be invested with the utmost diligence.
Your rates of return are really exciting. I think our members are going to be just thrilled.
Oh yeah, I mean we like, 18% in the last ten years.
Quiet as a church mouse,
I can feel that tingling in my balls you talked about.
All right, listen up. I'm Detective Gamble, This is Detective Hoitz.
We need your cooperation
David Ershon
You're under arrest, for fraud, embezzlement and connection to the murder of Don Beaman.
-This is a bad idea. -Hey guys.
Bob, what are you doing here?
I'm investing, do you remember we talked about that proxy vote a while back.
-This is what it was for. -You shit.
A more aggressive strategy for the pension.
Allen, we're the suckers. They're targeting the police pension fund.
Gentlemen, you're here illegally, and without a warrant.
We have it in our rights to take action.
-So much for quiet as church mice. -Go!
Who the hell are those guys?
Gentlemen I give you obstructive view tickets for Rock of ages.
Leave it, get over here, you, go get the bloody car.
That's it mate, I have had it. With this joker and his wooden gun.
They're gonna kill me and then they're gonna kill you.
-Well I'm going to kill you first. -And then they will kill me.
We have two rogue police officers, they are armed and dangerous.
-No. -Pricks, It's us, we're good guys.
Exactly, they're the good guys.
Where do we go, where do we go?
Um, I have a small apartment. No one knows about it.
I use it mainly for my parents, and prostitutes.
Not at the same time, that would be wrong.
Let's hear it from the top, every detail.
The best way to tell a story is by starting at the end.
Briefly, then going back to the beginning.
Then periodically returning to the end.
Then weaving different character perspectives throughout.
Just to get a bit of dynamism, a sort of linear story.
Just tell us what happened.
Right, well, I lost a bunch of money for some people and now they want it back.
What about Don Beaman?
Beaman knew that I falsified my financials
So they sent out Wesley to try and keep him quiet.
They forced him at gun point to drink a bunch of gin.
Then forced him onto the ledge. It was only a matter of time before he fell.
At least we stopped you from getting the pension fund.
You, well you...you didn't.
It's already in my account.
By nine o'clock in the morning it'll get into the Lendell equity fund
And then from there it's transferred to a dozen off shore accounts. By 9:01 it's gone.
-But what if we stop the transfer? -But you can't.
What if we stop the transfer?
You should have to bring that Debit back at 9:00 exactly.
Find the clerk, get the routing number.
We gotta stop him.
There's no way. I mean every cop, the crazy Australian and his crew.
They'll all be after us.
You could let me go, and I'll give you ten million dollars each.
-It's not a bribe. -Of course it's a bribe.
You're offering to pay us money to not do our job.
Not a bribe.
We hang low here tonight.
Nobody knows about this place, we'll be safe.
But tomorrow we hit it.
First things first, I gotta go and see Sheila.
No way, it's to dangerous.
Look, Terry. We don't know what's going to happen to us tomorrow.
But tonight, I need to make things right, with Sheila.
-All right, go, go. Be careful. -Thanks, I will.
-Wanna say hi to Sheila for me? -Okay.
Okay, tell her, say Terry's asking about you.
And want's to make sure you know that he'll be there for you.
-If anything happens. -Yeah.
-Drop of a hat, I'm there. -Look, it's starting to get a little weird, man.
If something happens to you, I need to be there, to take care of her.
All of her wants, her needs and desires are now my responsibilities.
Why do you say it like it's a predetermined thing?
Just go, man.
-Okay, thanks. -Go.
-Schemko Gallery -Francine
It's Terry, please don't hang up.
-Please pick up. -Hello.
Oh, hey sweetheart, I was praying you'd be at your mom's house.
You know what, I can't talk anymore, I think the phones being tapped.
Oh, baby where are you? I want to see you.
I'm near the place were we did it three Halloween’s ago, you remember?
Um, okay yeah, I got it.
I should warn you thought. Watch out I think they're watching the house.
Don't worry sweetie. I think I have a way of talking to you.
I have to admit, I wasn't going to come, I mean after all those years,
after...the restraining order.
I was worried.
I might not see you again.
There are some very dangerous people out there, and now they're after us.
It's just the old lady.
Hello, Allen
Hello Mama Ramos, what are you doing out here?
Sheila says, she doesn't know what happened, and she wants you back.
-Oh....yes. -She also says..
She want's you on top of her,
Holding her hair,
And ridding her like a bucking bronco,
While she sucks your thumb and says, Mommy likee.
te chupa el dedo y dice a mama le gusta
You, you tell your daughter...
He said he'll always love you, and he's so happy you're having his child.
-Allen -He also said,
That he wants you to stare into each other’s eyes without blinking while you do it.
I love him too, mom.
And then afterward lick the sweat off each other.
I don't want to do this
You say things that are to personal.
Okay, but just one more thing.
She said she loves you. And wants to hold your hand.
And have iced tea with you.
Come on, that's not all she said.
No, she says other things.
-But I don't want... -Please, please, please.
Please, you don't realize. I may be killed tomorrow.
Okay,
She said she wants to unplug all the clocks and the phones
And have a three day sex, marathon.
That's more like it, yeah.
She wants to walk raw for a week.
Because you guys did it so hard.
That's just lovely.
No more, he says things I can't say.
It involves a mannequin hand and an electric shaver.
Uh, tapped to a golf club?
-Now what'd she say? -She say's she loves you.
I'm so sorry, about everything.
And I just, had to come here tonight, to tell you that I love you.
And the reason why I act like you're a plain wife is that...
I'm afraid that if admit to how stunning and intelligent and wonderful you are,
I'd just lose you.
Shut up, Allen. I love you.
.... place is safe
I'll break your hip.
I'm about to do you grandpa style.
Brought some music.
Not what I would have chosen, screw it.
All right. Lets go, Monday morning. Time to go to work.
-Let's do it. -Want my gay coat?
Shut up, man!
(Momma and Papa’s 'Monday, Monday' playing)
It's Wesley.
"Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be..."
YES!
-Where you'd learn to drive like that? -Grand Theft auto
Watch it Allen, they're coming.
Oh my god.
Do something Allen.
Someone's been playing grand theft auto.
Whoa, I did that. I did that.
-Oh my god. -That's what I'm talking about.
We jack knifed them.
Did you see that it went backwards, then upside down.
Gator took vans upside down like a crazy washing machine.
Why, why are you calling yourself, Gator?
It's a nickname I had in College. I used to run a dating service.
-He was a pimp. -Yeah, I was. I was a pimp.
Right now the streets are a blood bath.
and statistically speaking
There's about 30 kids in here. Ten of you are going to be dead before your next birthday.
Got a couple of tips.
Couple guides to stay out of jail.
One: Try your hardest to not be black or Hispanic.
-It's a good tip. -Yeah.
-Two... -Hoitz and Gamble have Ershon hostage might be conscious in progress.
Yes, gun, GUN!
Pass up the guns, pass it up. Lets go people.
There we go, any Tazers? No, good.
Who wants to go on a ride along, huh?
-Oh, I do. -Huh, huh?
All right you sweetie, come on lets go. MOVE IT, move it go. Come on!
Oh cool, a helicopter.
Must be covering the high speed chase.
Who are those guys?
They're Chezen investors. We were going to do a Chezen version of Dora the Explorer.
It went terribly wrong.
Seem like they have advantage with the helicopter.
Oh no.
Damn it!
Get down. God, your hair is soft.
VO5 hot oil.
They're gonna wreck us. Cars coming from both directions.
This was a very clever idea.
They're gone.
Lets go.
They are Nigerians. Yeah, I had forgotten about them.
-This is a short cut. -Are you kidding me, you cannot go down there.
-Get them -What are you doing?
Hit him!
-Where are we? -Chelsey pier.
What the hell?
OW! Jesus!
Them having a helicopter is definitely cheating.
GO!
We're cops, hit the chopper.
This is Martin and Fosse. Back off, this is our collar.
Set a perimeter no one messes until we get there.
-(Girl in back seat screams) -Hit the light.
Do not authorize that transfer.
This is David Ershon. The transfer is for him. He will tell you not to authorize it.
-Okay, tell him. -TELL HIM!
Yep, do as they say. Stop the transfer.
Approve it, now!
Do not touch, anything.
I swear to god I'll blow your head off all over this desk.
Not a person in this room believes you'd shoot this clerk.
Oh yeah?
Thank you so much gentlemen, for the prompt delivery of Mr. Ershon.
I have two competing bids from gilded investors.
There are 30 million... and holding.
-Do I, wait, wait... -Take him away.
Look, computers. What if...one day they were in charge?
If you don't shut up,
I will cut your ear off, with a butter knife.
That's blunt, blunts worse than the...
NOW!
You just stood there.
I didn't know that down meant that. How was I suppose to know that.
Are you with them?
You kill us you kill Ershon. You're out thirty million dollars.
Whose got the golden goose now, huh?
-Ow -Ow -Ow
He's still valuable with a bullet wound, mate.
Ahh, he immediately called your bluff.
Get up! Kill the police.
I, I just want to make sure I get it right.
Did you want this transfer approved? Or not approved?
You mate, I'm gonna kill just for fun.
Police! Don't move drop your weapons.
Drop it, or be dropped home boy.
Hope you like prison food, and Penis.
Police, get on the ground!
Hey, hey, you okay?
Hey, hey Gene. Uh, Captain. I'm sorry.
That's okay, don't worry about it. You can call me Gene. We're not in the office here.
-Thanks for coming by. -That-a-boy.
Nuh uh, hey, hey come on stay with me.
Stay with me. We're losing him! We're losin...He's dying!
-He's... -Oh no...ow, ow!
I'm just resting, just resting.
-Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt you? -Just resting.
You all right?
Hey, let me tell you. As far as paper work goes, we'll take care of it.
-Know why? -Why?
Ain't to proud to beg.
-Come on. -What?
It's not funny anymore.
-I don't know what you're talking about. -TLC references.
I don't still nothing I swear to you.
I'm going to go over and check on Terry.
I got a bad knee, hold on.
It was the king of the mutt cases.
But Allen and Terry worked it like stars.
Within twenty four hours, of learning about Ershon's scheme and Lendell’s massive losses.
The government issued tart funds to bail out Lendell.
Lendell is in everything. And we're gonna go everywhere.
-And do everything. -They were to big to fail.
Ershon now resides in Palomino correctional facility....
...in Florida, he still invests. Currency is just different.
Roger Wesley we linked to the Beaman murder by security cam footage.
Which Martin and Fosse hadn't checked.
It only showed the back of their heads.
But Alan's face-back app was able to get a match to their faces.
Terry married Francine
He played harp at the reception, and it was beautiful.
He learned how to play it in the 8th grade to make fun of the fairy who lived up the street.
Terry asked Sheila to be his best man. but she declined.
Let's be honest. We all want to be superstars and hot shots.
But guess what?
The people that do the real work.
The ones that make the difference. You don't see them on TV or the front page.
I'm talking about the day in, day outters.
The Grinders, come on man. You know what I'm talking about.
The Other guys.
Gordon Sacks, this case is going to be nasty.
Hi, cute glasses.
-What was that? -What?
Wha..Dude. What is it with you and hot ladies?
Don't you see that?
Honestly I have no idea what you're talking about.
Tell me when you lost your virginity.
She actually became a TV actress. Heather Locklear.
What? Heather Locklear?
-What? Come on. -You've heard of her?
-She was much chubbier back then. -I don't get it.
I really, I don't get it.